A small part of me fears American roads more, now that I’ve officially taken and passed the California driving test. Not that I’m casting aspertions on my own driving skills (whatever some of my snider friends might insinuate), but because the test in general is ludicrously easy.

As seems common in many countries these days, there’s two parts to driving tests here - a multiple-choice written examination, and a “behind-the-wheel” test.

In addition, applicants for the written test must undergo the trial of finding their way correctly around the labyrinthine structure of a typical DMV office in order to get all the right paperwork signed and sealed. Given that I did all my organisation at Santa Clara DMV (rather than the apparently larger, busier and more confused San Jose branch), I feel lucky that all went as smoothly as it did.

As seems to be common for most large US institutions, everything is done on the basis of numbered-ticket queues. It helps if you make an appointment beforehand, too, and in their favour, California DMV do have a pretty good online booking system to this end.

When I arrived last Tuesday to take my written exam, it was fairly straightforward. I took a numbered ticket (about 15 behind the number “now being served”), and whilst waiting filled in the necessary Drivers’ License application form. As with most things, and previously noted, use of a Social Security Number was pretty much mandatory - I don’t think I could have got much further with it.

Of course, this fact renders the DMV’s rule (that all new residents must apply for a license within ten days of reaching the state) impossible to comply with, but non-compliance doesn’t seem to bring any particular penalties with it (although it may have been more difficult if I’d had to deal with any traffic cops in the intervening period).

Anyway, digressions aside, I was called to a desk in due time, where my passport, visa, social security card, UK drivers’ licence and general personage were subject to some minutes of scrutiny.

All being in order, a low-tech eye test, consisting of reading from a board behind the DMV employee, was administered. Since I needed to wear my glasses for this (I could have uncomfortably scraped by without), I get a license which requires “correctional lenses to be worn at all times”. I’m stuffed if I ever sit on my glasses and need to drive somewhere for a new pair, in other words…

Eye test passed, I had to move from the desk to the ominous sounding “Line C” to wait for the next stage of the process. It was at this point that I noticed at least 3 people on crutches and an old lady with a walking frame hobbling around clutching DMV forms. Infirmity is apparently no obstacle in a place where you’re better off dead than carless…

Apparently, possession of a drivers’ license requires your fingerprint to be taken, which marks the third time that a US Governmental institution has taken my fingerprint in the last 4 months (the London embassy and San Francisco Airport immigration being the other two). That’s three more times than I recall ever being fingerprinted in 26 years of living in the UK.

Fingerprint and photo taken, I was handed a long sheet of 36 questions and directed to a booth to complete them. I can’t actually comment objectively on how easy the written test is - 9 years of driving in the UK gives you a certain amount of habitual common sense regarding how roads should work.

Bizarrely, I was slightly stymied by the question “if a car is fitted with lapbelts and shoulder belts, which must you wear?”

This is mainly because I can’t get over the fact that the California Drivers’ Handbook contains two whole pages convincing people why they should buckle up; and that it’s even an issue at all. I’ve never met anyone in the UK who would question the wisdom of wearing a seatbelt for a moment. But maybe I’m lucky in who I chose to meet…

Once you’ve completed the test, you’re directed back to “Line D”, where you then hand it to someone who marks it on the spot (with a neat little scoresheet which sits beside your x-marked answers so they can quickly spot discrepancies).

…all in all, I scored 34/36, above the passing grade of 30. They booked me a behind-the-wheel test on the spot, and I was done. An hour in all; not too bad.

Can you sound the horn?

I was fairly nervous about the behind-the-wheel test, truth be told, but I think my fears broke down into two separate issues:

• I passed the UK test first time; it would be horribly embarassing to fail the US one
• I’ve been driving for 9 years, and I know I have some non-test-approved bad habits which I’d have to concentrate on suppressing.

They scrutinise your insurance details very carefully before you’re allowed to take a test; both at a desk in the DMV and then again later. In addition, there’s a strange and very thorough pre-drive check, with certain mandatory and some “optional” checks (there are 9 of these; you must pass 6 to be allowed out of the test centre).

Once you’ve passed muster inside the centre, you pull your car round the building into a queue bizarrely reminiscent of a drive-thru, and wait for an examiner to approach you. They were definitely thorough - the car in front of me was turned away because the front right indicator lamp kept sticking on even when the signal was cancelled.

The examiner will instruct you to turn on your left indicator (and checks front and back), cancel that, put on the right (more checks), and step on the brake (while they check the lights). Then the “optional” tests: you need to show that you know where your headlights, horn, wiper controls, rear-screen defroster and emergency hazard light controls are. Finally, you need to show the approved arm signals for right turn (arm up in the air), left turn (sticking straight out) and stopping (arm pointing down). Presumably, if we’re to take this signal literally, then most drivers of battered pick-ups are constantly preparing to stop their vehicle…

All that taken care of (and another insurance check), and we were off.

The actual test was little more than a drive around the block - literally. It took about 15 minutes, and took in the following sections:

1. 8 through intersections
2. 4 left turns
3. 4 right turns
4. Driving through a “business area”
5. Driving through a “residential area”
6. A left and a right lane change
7. What is quaintly referred to on the test sheet as “Backing”

“Backing” is perhaps the most amusing part of the test for a Brit, being the equivalent of the entire “manoevring” section of the UK driving test. In the UK (if memory serves), you must complete the following to pass:

• The “three point turn” (actually referred to as “a turn in the road using forward and reverse gears”)
• Parallel parking
• Reversing around a corner
• The emergency stop

Here, you need to pull into the curb, reverse 3 car lengths in a straight line, then pull away without hitting anything. Even though pulling up to the curb is one of the weirder things for me driving here (the unfamiliarity of sitting on the left coming into play), this really was child’s play.

I picked up a couple of error points on the right-turns, because I’d already subconsciously picked up a bad habit from other Californian drivers. At intersections where there’s no dedicated right-turn lane, you’re supposed to queue at a red light even if other drivers are going straight ahead. But because a lot of lanes are 2 cars wide at intersections (even without markings), most drivers squeeze to the right of the traffic to execute a turn on red. To be honest, I wasn’t sure whether this was accepted practice or not. For the record, it’s not (even if everyone does it anyway).

Apart from that, I got two other “errors” for supposedly not checking other traffic enough (but hey, I didn’t hit anything, did I?), and that was that. Since the threshold was 15, I passed with flying colours.

Despite the fact that the DMV expects to be notified of a driver’s sneezing in their car within 5-10 working days, everything they send you happens “in six weeks”, so for now all I have to show for my efforts is a paper temporary license, and I still need to carry my passport everywhere I go as ID.

But at least that’s another tick off the list marked “todo: official paperwork”, and with very little pain in the end. Yay.

This article first arrived on the interwebnet on Friday, January 28th, 2005 at 5:40 pm .
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