The media image of the US is that of a place where everything is bigger, bolder, brighter, better. And god bless ‘em, the Yanks embrace that philosophy heartily in many areas, as anyone who’s ever found their car in the slipstream of a Chevy Suburban will know all too well. (I mean, where else on Earth would “three-quarter ton” be an integral part of the vehicle name?)

One place where they fall short, though, is the juice you get out of a power socket. 120 volts? What’s with that?

One of the saddest aspects of this is that millions of American men are effectively denied the rite-of-passage which is accidentally electrifying yourself during a routine household maintenance task. In Europe, you’re not fully a man until you’ve connected yourself directly to the mains supply and blown yourself half-way across the room thanks to a meaty 230-240 V. Bonus points are, of course, acquired for bruising the nape of your neck on a passing coffee table.

In comparison, the best Americans can hope for is a slight tingle, and maybe a few singed hairs on the back of the arm. No fun at all.

More importantly, though, the US’s puny, puny power supply effectively rules out the use of an electric kettle.

Let me tell you, if you’ve grown up with electric kettles all your life, their absence is a body-blow. Using a stove is so much slower, whether you’re heating water to boil potatoes, or making a cup of tea (not that Americans, as previously noted, are big into tea).

I’m surprised, nevertheless, that someone somewhere in this vast semi-continent of a nation hasn’t managed to build an efficient mains-powered kettle, given the plethora of ridiculous “labor-saving devices” which are marketed via 5-minute TV infomercials.

My favourite of these devices is basically a duster for cleaning the tops of high-up windows. I didn’t realise that a “wedge-like shape” and three poles you screw together could actually warrant 5 minutes of description but, it turns out, I was sadly lacking in vision.

Anyway, someone, somewhere here needs to come up with a best-selling “EZ-Boiler”, specifically “to eliminate wasted minutes stood in front of the saucepan”. If they can make it go bing bing bing bing bing when the water’s boiled, I may hold it as definitive proof that there’s a God.

A really sick, twisted God.

This article first arrived on the interwebnet on Wednesday, January 26th, 2005 at 5:40 pm .
It's arbitrarily categorised as being about: Brief Notes on America, Thinking.
Supernerds with RSS readers will probably wet their pants over the RSS 2.0 feed.
You can skip to the end and leave a response. We don't do trackbacks here because they're a horrendous spam-trap. Sorry.

This article proudly sponsored by BEER! - BEER! Ask for it by name.